Aagh, I hate this feeling!
Why do I always have it! I feel so... I don't know... empty, useless, alone. I know I have lovely people around me. A lovely family and people that cares about me. But I don´t have many real friends. There's a lot of people that I say hi to when I meet them on the streets, but I haven´t got friends I really can talk to. Always when I try to meet someone and try to be better friend with someone, It seems like they don´t wanna be with me. Like always they has to go to work or something else better to do.
I always feel that I'm not good enough. I feel like I'm not pretty enough, sexy enough, fashionable enough, hardworking enough, skinny enough, outgoing enough or good enough to ever be a stylist or designer or makeup artist or whatever... I feel like I don´t have any sense of humour and I think people think I'm boring. I know I´m a bit stupid or blonde. I can't do anything about that. If I don´t get it then I just don´t get it... No wonder people don`t like me.
It feels like people just don´t care. I never get comments here on my blog, my reader number is going down. People ignore me on facebook.
There´s always something wrong. I know what it is to have a depressed friend and I know it isn't nice. It just makes you sad too! That´s why I don´t wanna be a depressed friend.. I don´t wanna whinge all the time. Especially when I know my life is not BAD. I really have a good life. Or that's what the brains say.. But somehow I always feel incomplete and wrong.
Maybe It´s stupid to talk about this here, but I don´t know where else I should. And talking don´t help. Or maybe it does.. But I don´st get skinny or pretty or sexy or hardworking or anything by whinging here. But I don´t know what else to do!
I just hate to be sad! I hate this feeling. Thank god I´m not all the time like this but when I am I´m just so damn freaking out..
I just wanna be happy about myself. How can it be so hard?
I hope, that when I get an own apartment and move to England and when I get older, things gonna be better. But I'm so scared that I'll be disappointed..